Coffee Isn't My Cup of Tea.

Kuasa

2012-01-14T23:02:00.003+04:00

Salam alaykum,

Rasanya, sudah lama tidak ku lawati blogku sendiri. Apatah lagi menulis artikel baru. Sesungguhnya masa memang tiada (buat2 tak ada) lebih2 lagi sekarang ini musim peperiksaan. Baru semalam jawab kertas pertama, ada lagi 2. Dan semalam juga ditimpa kesakitan yang sudah lama tidak ku rasai. Demam, tetapi alhamdulillah. Dia telah memberi kepada ku kekuatan, yang ku harapkan dalam doaku. Alhamdulillah. Terima kasih ya Allah.

Aku tulis ni pun sebenarnya ketika aku mengisi masa rehat ku ketika mentelaah ilmu. Rasa seperti ku ingin menulis pula pada malam ini.

Sejak kebelakangan ini, aku tercari-cari. Apakah erti hidup ini. Apakah tujuan diri ini hidup di dunia yang fana ini. Kemana arah tuju hidup ini. Untuk siapa diri ini hidup.

Dengan izinNya, alhamdulillah semakin terjawab dari hari ke hari kesemua persoalan yang timbul dalam diri ku ini. Alhamdulillah. Betapa indahnya hidup ini, tenang dan dengan penuh nikmatnya bila sedikit demi sedikit diri ini mengenali kesemua jawapannya.

Diri ini masih lagi mentah. Akan terus ku cari dan aku berharap agar kesedaran yang kini ku alami akan terus membawa diri ini kearah kebaikan. Ku berharap agar Dia terus membimbing ku untuk menjadi hambaNya.

Marilah bersama kita berdoa agar kita sentiasa berada dibawah jagaanNya. Dan marilah kita memperbaiki diri kita kearah yang lebih baik. Supaya hidup diberkati dan dirahmatiNya insyaAllah.

Kill 'em all

2011-11-15T20:28:00.001+04:00

In the series Spartacus, his girlfriend said for revenge.An album released by Metallica.There's a flash game called Kill 'Em All.That's it for today. Thank you for your time.

Simple

2011-10-12T21:10:00.005+04:00

"Over-thinking ruins you. Ruins the situation, twists things around and make you worry and just makes everything much worse than it actually is."

Let's make things simple by not thinking over something too much.

Embrace the present. Amigos.

Fallot tetralogy

2011-10-01T15:30:00.006+04:00

It has been a while since my last post. rindu ke? relax laah. haha.

Now im back in Russia. doing the same thing again and again and again. without even realising how time flies so fast, i'm now a 5th year medical student. another 20 months and i'm a doctor.

What? a doctor? yeah its hard to belive. and i understand. hardly to believe even for myself.

Recently i had a small baby patient with a congenital heart defect. when she was born, she has all the scores for a normal healthy baby. but after some minutes, her skin started to turn into blue, breathing intensely and she wasn't able to cry because she was lacking of oxygen. pity her she was diagnosed with Fallot tetralogy after some clinical investigations. her heart has anomalies; her ventricles is fused together forming only 3 chambers consisting 2 atrias and 1 ventricle, and the vessel which blood should be passed to the lungs is almost fully closed or in med jargon called stenosis. she was indicated for emergency surgery for total correction of the heart.

My class then finished but she is still inside the OT. lets hope that i'll see her again on monday. ));

The white rose

2011-09-19T20:52:00.004+04:00

the flower.lovely.very.much.

English is crazy

2011-08-11T21:55:00.002+04:00

Taken from my brother who's working right now in his office. Dia bosan agaknya. Pinjam ye along. Eheh. I'm 100% with you about this. (;

***

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese?

One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?

Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another? When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

tarawih

2011-08-08T16:15:00.002+04:00

sementara menunggu solat tarawih pada malam ini, saya memilih utk mengisi masa dengan menaip satu pos baru.

hari ini hari yang ganjil. semua orang bagaikan memilih saya untuk memberi tahu sesuatu yang ganjil. jadi, saya berasa sangat ganjil.

pada keesokan hari, saya akan pergi ke kuala lumpur untuk berbuka puasa bersama rakan-rakan lama. walau bagaimanapun, tarawih malam ini tetap akan berlangsung seperti biasa.

saya mula merasakan bahawa terdapat satu kuasa yang amat kuat menyelubungi diri saya.

rupa-rupanya saya mahu berak dan korek hidung. semoga berjumpa lagi di dalam pos yang seterusnya.

sleepy head

2011-08-08T04:13:00.007+04:00

my room is still dark. its 8.15 a.m. closed all the curtain so that i'll have a good sleep. muahaha.

lesson for today, quit playing and start to get serious. when trimming the grass, it is necessary to use a small chain of love so that the work will be done beautifully. and please don't be a fool. jelly grass is not obtained from the grass that you've cutted. kids, don't do it at home.

leaving the house, don't forget to lock the doors. when you leave your doors open, you can lose everything you have because some one will rob your house. even if you have a dog to guard your house, your dog will be shot to death or the robber/s will smack your dog to death. when you lost your things, then only you will cry. when those things were there, you acted like they were not there. go play golf and relax your mind. but lock your doors please will you?

so the conclusion here is, don't do drugs. you will be sent to jail if the police caught you.

both

2011-08-07T21:10:00.002+04:00

my mum suddenly came into my room and asked me to wake up to eat moreh. so nice. banana pizza (lempeng pisang). and a murtabak i bought this evening. it was delicious!

i remember, one said that anything in our life, any sides need to have some sort of give and take. at times, mutual has nothing to do with timber work. fishing is not my hobby. it is hard to go hunting without knowing the basics. it always is, but worth for a try. a life without failures and mistakes was/is/will never exist.

*apahal tiba2 bermadah bagai ni ntah*

#gelakbesartapiconfuse

selamat malam

pisang goreng

2011-08-07T17:59:00.007+04:00

title has no relation with this post whatsoever.

this is my first post typed with Galaxy Tab 10.1. macam kerek tak? hahahahaha #gelakbesarbukanmain. life will never be easier without this lovely sexy tablet. Tq Samsung!

today is the most tiring day. i had a very terrible morningmare (because it is in the early morning.) i don't know what bothered me in this holy Ramadan. i wasn't able to recite an ayah in that dream. strange. :-\

afya is in the house! been busy playing with her today.

i must finish my wedding photo job. being a hired photographer is not as easy as i first thought! dang.

last but not least, kangaroos they can't talk. how sad to know about that.

ta ta

Jual cendol

2011-06-21T23:37:00.002+04:00

Di masa hadapan, sila gunakan otak ye. Jangan nak menggelabah tak tentu pasal. Kan dah jadi bangang.

Sekian

Between passion, satisfaction and disappointment.

2011-06-18T12:10:00.004+04:00

You know you have everything.
You know you could make it an excellent score.

There's a moment, where life can be so unfair.
And it seems to destroy your hope to fly with colors.

Well, I did my best. And I've done almost flawless. This is the passion and pure satisfaction.

But life is never always fair. And there is the disappointment.

Between passion with satisfaction, and disappointment. You choose.

Yet. Here I stand. Held my hands high with humble. As a sign of gratitude.
#Alhamdulillah. I knew there's always something behind everything that happened.

Thank You Allah.

What's wrong now?

2011-06-11T20:52:00.002+04:00

I feel like my brain is not fully utilizing his ability to memorize all the knowledge I read.

What's wrong now?

Come on now Mr. Brain! Please work effectively.

Understand and memorize! You can do it!

You know nothing

2011-06-09T11:13:00.006+04:00

"Sir, at least I can try for extra questions?"
"No. Extra questions are not helping."
"........"
"I can't say you answered excellently."
"........"
"You see, your first and second I can say they are excellent."
"........"
"But you missed the main classification on the third question."
"........"
"And you know nothing about ALS. You can't diagnose this disease at all."
"I see Sir. Thank you"

************************************

I stood up, and went outside the exam hall. I opened the book. And see it's the 1° and 2° classification. How could I totally forgot about it? How could...

And ALS. I just ran out of luck this time. How frustrating. I can't even recall myself what disease it is about. I get back and read about it, and it seems that I never even read about it. I guess it was too much for me. Sigh~

"You know nothing about ALS. You can't diagnose this disease at all"

These words. They're haunting.

Tertipu

2011-06-08T10:58:00.003+04:00

Akhirnya, kerana terlalu obses dan gagal mengawal perasaan sendiri, mereka tertipu.

Sungguh kecewa kerana terlalu ramai yang memberikan harapan palsu, hanya kerana mereka ingat mereka ini mempunyai aset dan modal yang mereka rasa mereka ini terbaik. Senang-senang mereka memperkotak-katik kan orang lain.

Keji! Manusia ini penuh dengan perasan keji dan mementingkan diri sendiri.

SIAL!

Azam Bulan Peperiksaan

2011-06-07T22:09:00.002+04:00

Saya nak belajar betul2.
Saya nak belajar demi masa hadapan.
Saya nak belajar demi karier saya akan datang.
Dan paling penting, saya nak belajar kerana Dia. Kerana semua ilmu ini adalah dari-Nya dan hak milik-Nya.

Dan saya x nak cukur janggut dan jambang dan misai sepanjang bulan ni. Terlalu sibuk! GKK

2011-06-07T20:57:00.006+04:00

Aku selalu tak tahu nak bagi tajuk apa untuk setiap apa aku nak post. Jadi, mulai hari ini aku tak nak tulis tajuk langsung untuk setiap post aku melainkan kalau aku rasa nak tulis.

Haih. Peperiksaan dalam masa 1 hari lagi. Baca, baca dan baca. Lupa, lupa dan lupa. macam mana? Harap-harap ingatlah waktu peperiksaan nanti kan? GKK (Gelak Kuat kuat)

Waktu-waktu peperiksaan ni lah. Mula rasa nak buat perkara-perkara yang tidak dibuat ketika bukan peperiksaan. Contohnya, main permainan video, main gitar, karaoke, kentut kuat-kuat, berak banyak-banyak, buat lagu la lirik situ sana sini. Kenapa ya? Agaknye tekanan peperiksaan kah?

Biarlah semua itu berlaku, asalkan soalan untuk peperiksaan itu selesai di baca. Kalau baca terus ingat tak mengapa lah. Ini, baru 10 minit lalu baca, dah lupa? OTK (Oh Tuhan Ku) Macam mana nak jawab peperiksaan nanti ya?

Namun begitu, tidak perlu lah kita gelabah ye anak-anak sekalian. Mengikut kajian pakar psikologi di selatan Amerika Syarikat menyatakan bahawa 80% apa yang dibaca akan kita lupa. Tapi waktu-waktu genting, semua perkara-perkara yang kita baca itu akan "POP"! Keluar bagaikan air terjun. Tapi kalau baca lalu je nak keluar macam air terjun macam mana kan? Jadi nasihat saya, baca lah untuk masa hadapan, untuk kerjaya anda masa hadapan. Bukan untuk menjawab peperiksaan. Bukan kah begitu jauh lebih baik? Entah. Saya pun kurang pasti sebenarnya. GKK

Sebenarnya, saya tidak mempunyai apa-apa tujuan mengepost post ini. Sebab itu lah saya merepek umpama kicap yang tumpah bukan ke atas nasi. Inilah akibatnya. Nak tulis sesuatu, tapi akhirnya tulis perkara-perkara macam ni? Sungguh kurang kebijaksanaan di situ.

Adalah jauh lebih baik jika sekarang saya pergi uruskan diri dan sambung belajar untuk subjek Sistem Saraf pada hari khamis ini nanti.

Namun saya masih mahu menulis. Apa boleh buat? GKK lagi sekali.

Saya sebenarnya ingin mengucapkan selamat maju jaya kepada anak-anak Malaysia yang akan menghadapi peperiksaan yang akan datang, ataupun yang sedang mengambil, atau pun yang sudah selesai menjawab peperiksaan. Mesti anak-anak yang dah selesai peperiksaan takut menunggu keputusan peperiksaan kan? kan? kan? Tidak perlu takut wahai anak-anak. Bertenang sahaja.... Bak kata pepatah orang inggeris, "Relax bro". Ini adalah kerana ketakutan itu tidak akan mengubah jawapan peperiksaan kalian sedikit pun. Jadi, bertenang sahaja lah. Sungguhlah tidak kacak anak-anak jantan dan sungguhlah tidak cun anak-anak gadis berhiaskan muka yang sedang berketakutan menunggu keputusan peperiksaan. Buruk sungguh mukanya! Jadi adalah jauh lebih baik jika anak-anak pergi sapu sampah, ataupun kemas almari, mengilatkan kasut ayah untuk ke kerja, korek hidung, membuang kaki-kaki lipas anak-anak ataupun sekurang-kurangnya membantu ibu bapa dirumah dan meringan kan beban mereka. Jika anak-anak mahu tahu, kaki lipas ni adalah terma orang-orang kampung membahasakan bulu-bulu hidung yang terkeluar dari lobang hidung anak-anak. "Usen (Bukan nama sebenar). Apo banyak bona lipas lam hidung kau tu? Beghanak pinak dah den nengok. Dari umah den dah nampak. Poie la buang. Bughuk ghoman eh." GKK gila babi!

Haa? Dah buat? Baiklah. Sekiranya perkara-perkara tersebut selesai, baca lah surat khabar ataupun belajar memasak.

Dah buat juga? Jikalau begitu, jemputlah anak-anak lain yang juga tidak membuat apa-apa di rumah menunggu keputusan peperiksaan membuat majlis gotong royong surau ataupun masjid. Ataupun beri lah duit raya ataupun menjalan kan kebajikan di rumah anak-anak yatim. Haa. Ni mesti belum buat kan? GKK yang sememangnya kuat!

Baiklah. sekadar itu sahaja lah yang mahu saya tulis hari ini memandangkan apa saya merepek ni agak menampakkan kebodohan diri saya. Selamat menjalani kehidupan yang penuh misteri ini dengan gembira dan jayanya! Kepada mak cik dan pak cik di kampung, jangan lupa tutup tingkap dan pintu rumah waktu maghrib. Bukan takut apa, takut nyamuk masuk malam nanti tidak boleh tidur! GKK.

Selamat!

Song

2011-06-05T19:55:00.002+04:00

In the middle of exams' pressure, I composed a song. Haha. 30 minutes I took to finish the lyric by myself alone (actually it's my first time) and 15 minutes with the structure of the song. And the result?

It's quite a simple song but meaningful. With some help from sibol and fio, a slow rock song we composed. And yes of course! I'm the singer and the lead guitar player. Haha. I'm planning to have keyboard to play in this song. Surely it'll sound perfecto! (;

Sigh. Must get myself to work now. 3 days left. And I'm falling behind the schedule.

2011-06-02T20:15:00.004+04:00

Minutes of frustration.

Please lend me strength to face all disappointments.

And challenges coming ahead me.

None can ever understand my heart, my feelings, my torments. I know You are listening. I know You feel me. Help me go through all of these barriers. Obstacles.

I know You know what's best for me.

And I wish, I'll get what I've been waiting for. I'm bearing with you. Patiently.

Because I can't cry to make myself relieved.

And I can't scream to make me feel better.

And as Your servant, as always I'm turning back myself to You. O' Allah. Forgive me for all the sins I've done.

Hectic | Appendectomy

2011-04-02T13:59:00.006+04:00

At last, after 2 weeks of hectic schedule, I'm now finally resting on my bed, enjoying my precious off-day which rarely happens in my university. Thank God my lecturer decided to take 1 day off to attend her best friend's wedding. And of course we are more than happy that Saturday is holiday! Woohoo! (;

I fall sick last 2 days. Joints pain, muscle ache, back ache, head ache, weakness, fatigue. I guess my body just need a break from those hectic schedule and activities. Going here and there, running, chasing time. Off to practicals, classes, lectures, handball and football practice, training etc. And Moscow Games in 2 weeks. Another 2 more hectic weeks and I'm done. And I'm going to enjoy myself doing things that I've been waiting for : It's spring! Charging my gadgets, my ideas and creativity for photography! And as usual composing new songs.

Talking about composing songs, check out David MeShow on YouTube. He's effin' genius! I'm amazed with his ideas, style and the way he composes songs, they are brilliant. TOTALLY. And he's so effin' talented. Damn. He can make music just from anything! HAHA. Check this one! (;

******************************************************************************

As I promised, now I'm sharing my experience as an assistant surgeon, a surgical procedure called appendectomy.

Appendectomy means, Appendo - Appendix. -ectomy - removing of something ; to remove appendix. Medical terms are terms taken from Latin or Greek.

It was my first surgery. 21st March 2011. And I will never forget this day.

Patient was admitted due to Phlegmonous Appendicitis : his appendix was infected with microbes, which causes his appendix to inflame and suppurate. This operation should be done as soon as possible, in any case of appendicitis, because it's complication may lead to death within 72 hours.

It was a great experience for me personally, even though my job was just to hold the retractor, it wasn't as easy as I first thought. You need to have the skills, and more exact to say, you need to be aware as you work with the main surgeon, giving him the best view of the operative field. Chemistry! And knowledge of course. To stretch the operative wound for 30-40 minutes, it's exhausting! And your hands have to be strong, firm and at the same time your hands must be mobile. I was scolded by the main surgeon couple of times. Naaah. It was normal, and to be honest I don't feel offended at all. He wanted to teach. And I believe he taught me well. (; Even the intern who was working with us also was scolded by the main surgeon. And I'm and undergrad still. It's normal. (:

Anyway, I'm glad to be given such opportunity, to experience the feeling in the operative field, watching and holding the surgical instruments, working with the surgeons and gain my very own first experience. Experience teaches us. (;

Since then, I've decided, I want to be a surgeon. Any subfield will do, as long as I'm a surgeon. (;

2011-03-22T23:48:00.003+03:00

I assisted an appendectomy yesterday! It was an awesome experience for me personally, and I'm grateful to be granted such opportunity! (; I will share the whole surgery in my next post, after I've done with my current hectic timetable! );

Ashtray Geek Acoustic Performance

2011-03-08T09:42:00.000+03:00

Ashtray Geek acoustic performance during CNY 2011 Celebration. (;

Hazy Weather Solos Experiments with Cry Baby

2011-02-24T00:03:00.003+03:00

Hazy Weather Solos Experiments with Cry Baby by Octo Arslan

Hazy weather with Vocal

2011-02-24T00:03:00.001+03:00

Hazy weather with Vocal by Octo Arslan

It's Been A While..

2011-02-22T19:25:00.003+03:00

It's been a while,

since you were gone, everything seems not right.

It's been a while,

since you were gone, I can never hold myself tight.

It's been a while,

since you were gone, I'm lost within myself.

It's been a while,

I didn't feel the feeling I've been craving all these years.

I'd never think of this would happen...

Now everything just seems too late...

I wish I could survive this torments...

The pain is thrusting me again, and again...

Hati

2011-02-21T20:35:00.009+03:00

Apa masalah hati ku?

Kenapa hati aku meronta-ronta?

Apa aku nak buat untuk memberikan ketenangan hati aku?

Apa salah aku?

Adakah kerana siapa diri aku?

Adakah kerana kelemahan diri aku?

Adakah kerana aku dilahirkan sebegini menjadi punca segala-galanya?

Aku sedar aku bukan insan sempurna.

Aku sedar aku ni hanyalah insan yang naif dan masih banyak perlu belajar tentang dunia dan akhirat.

Aku sedar aku ni masih dungu dan tak mampu berdiri seorang diri.

Aku sedar, hakikatnya, aku seorang yang lemah

Aku sedar, aku bukan insan yang dicari-cari.

Aku sedar, aku bagaikan orang-orang di tengah2 tanah lapang sawah padi.

Aku sedar, aku bukanlah sebijak orang lain yang lahir di dunia ni.

Aku sedar, aku tak layak untuk menjadi seorang pemimpin.

Aku sedar, aku sering berlagak dan berlagak bagus, tapi hakikatnya aku sendiri tak tahu macam mana untuk membimbing diri aku sendiri.

Aku sedar, walaupun ada yang mencemburui dengan kebolehan aku, aku tak gembira dengan kehidupan aku

Aku sedar, aku banyak sangat perasan. tah hape2. rasa nak lempang pulak.

Aku sedar, aku siapa, dan aku sedar, siapa aku dulu, kini dan pada masa akan datang.

Aku sedar, betapa lebihnya tidak berguna aku dari bergunanya aku.

Aku sedar, aku sentiasa melayan emosi aku (macam skarang ni) dan ini adalah kelemahan aku.

Kekecewaan yang ada dalam diri ini, hanya tuhan sahaja yang tahu.

Walaupun orang sentiasa berharap aku berubah, untuk mengubah diri seseorang tidak lah semudah seperti mengorek hidung dikhalayak orang ramai. Tutup guna tangan, berpaling dari khalayak ramai atau pun tutup mata supaya rasa orang lain x nampak dan korek hidung dengan senang hati. Pandai-pandai cover lah kan. Ambillah kira untuk mengubah diri kita sebelum kita mahu lihat seseorang itu berubah.

Walaubagaimana pun, aku cuba berubah menjadi insan yang lebih berguna.

Aku redha dan bersyukur dengan apa yang ada di sekeliling aku. Aku mencintai diri aku.

Jikalau kau tak mampu untuk menyukai diri aku, aku phon maaf. kerana aku bukan lah insan yang sempurna.

Maafkan aku atas kelemahan diri aku. Maafkan aku atas kesilapan2 ku yang lalu. Maafkan aku.

Ashtray Geek!

2011-02-17T21:52:00.002+03:00

My band performed a live show in a local russian bar! (;

Pilihan

2011-02-17T19:24:00.004+03:00

Kadang-kadang, di dalam hidup kita, kita sering mencari sesuatu yang kita nak berada dalam genggaman kita. Contohnya, iPhone, MacBook. Apa lagi? Dah ada iPhone pun nak iPad?

Tapi, pernah tak alami keadaan bila kita hanya boleh buat satu pilihan. Untuk dapat satu ni, kena lah tinggal kan yang ini? Mesti pernah kan?

Benda nak pilih bukan senang. Mestilah, bila satu dah ada dalam genggaman, dan cuba mendapat kan satu lagi. Tapi, perlu buat pilihan. Pilihan tu pula, berat. Kenapa? Kalau nak 2-2. Mestilah berat kan? Tapi ni betul ni, kena buat pilihan. Macam mana? Pilihan apa yang akan kamu pilih?

Lagi2 bila sampai soal hati. Haaaaa.. Mula dah. Gile bosan. HAHAHA

Tapi, ini berlaku dalam situasi hidup seseorang yang saya kenal.

Nama dia Jack. Jack ni suka Yasmin. Yasmin ni pun, macam...ok2 laa. bagi response yang quite ok. macam suka, macam x suka. Tapi +ve respon la. Not bad.

Jack cakap, dia suka Yasmin ni sebab dia ni comel, baik, macam seseorang yang boleh membawa dia untuk jadi lagi baik dan macam2 lah.

Lain pula dengan Jack. Jack ni pula, suka buat benda2 yang bukan orang yang baik sangat buat. Contohnye, Jack ni malas, muka buruk (tiap kali aku terserempak dengan dia rasa nak tampar), hisap rokok, busuk (HAHA), main muzik kat kelab/bar muzik (dimana saya jumpa Jack) dan lain-lain.

Jadi, Jack pun bagi tahu kat saya, dia sangat2 meminati Yasmin. Dia kata dia pernah cakap kat Yasmin, tapi Yasmin macam x pernah bagi jawapan jelas.

"Jack, kau bagitau je kat dia. Kau suka dia. Lepas tu, tanya la sama ada dia boleh terima kau ke tak." kata2 dari saya.

"Aku nak tanya, tapi segan la cha. Tapi tu la. Aku rasa ada sebab yang dia macam cuba buat2 x jelas ni. Serious eh ni nak tanya dia selamba?" tanya Jack.

"Tak tanya tak tahu..." kabar saya.

Malam tu juga Jack cakap dengan Yasmin. Apa Yasmin cakap?

"Yasmin cakap dia tak boleh terima aku. Isk.." (Saya dah agak dari awal )

Saya bagi tau Jack, antara sebab2 kenapa Yasmin tak terima. Jack pelik.

"Eh, Mana kau tahu?" tanya Jack.

"Instinct la bro. Hahaha." jawab aku sambil makan lollipop.(Gile poyo nak mampus dan rasa nak tampar)

Sebabnye? Jack ni bukan lah orang yang baik. Itu je. Yasmin tak boleh terima siapa Jack. Sebab Yasmin bagi tahu, dia suka kan Jack jugak. tapi, sebab kan dia tak nak menghentikan Jack dari buat perkara2 yang dia suka, Yasmin terpaksa buat keputusan yang dia tak boleh terima.

Kasihan kan? 2-2 buat pilihan. Dan Yasmin buat pilihan yang sangat bijak. Jack?

"Aku nak tinggalkan semua perangai buruk aku la cha. Aku suka sangat kat Yasmin tu. Aku nak berubah. Aku sangat2 suka kat dia cha. Ko jauh dari aku! Kau bawak aku kepada kejahatan!" gusar Jack.

"Gelabah. Kau nak berubah? Tolonglah lepas tu kau sengsara. Kau boleh happy ke kalau kau berhenti hisap rokok? Kena pergi library hari2 belajar, yang aku pulak lepak dengan sibol, fio, andy, elias, G, Mr. Pres, Ajis (ramai la pulak) kat Terrace ke minum kopi layan shisha? ada sanggup?" balas saya dengan tenang.

Jack termenung. Jack sedih. Dari air mukanya, saya pasti dia sangat sedih. Saya tahu, dia memang sukakan Yasmin. tapi dia tahu, jika dia berubah kerana Yasmin, perubahan dia tu adalah perubahan yang bukan sebab diri dia sendiri, tapi kerana orang. Kerana, lambat laun ianya akan memakan diri dia sendiri.

Jack dengan tenang menghembus nafas nya. Jack bagi tahu, yang dia akan capai apa hasrat dia. Dia memang suka kan Yasmin, dan dia cakap, suatu hari nanti, dia akan tetap cuba cari Yasmin, kerana dia mahu menikmati saat2 hidupnya yang masih muda, mencapai perkara2 yang dia mahu capai sebelum dia merasa kan kerugian disitu. Jack pun mendoakan, dimana jika dia tak dapat Yasmin, sekurang-kurang nya, Yasmin menjumpai orang yang baik dan mampu menjaga Yasmin, yang mana seperti Yasmin cari dalam hidup nya.

Jack ni, baik orangnya. Kan?

Saya bersimpati terhadap Jack. Jack yang saya kenal, seorang yang sangat tabah, berhati teguh, seorang yang handsome, determined, powerful, cool & intelligent. Kalau la saya perempuan, dah lama saya cuba mengurat Jack ni. HAHA

Lihat orang buat pilihan. Hebat tak? Kalau anda bagaimana? Pilih lah elok2 ye rakan2 dan sahabat handai. Saya pilih untuk memasak sekarang. Selamat!

Care?

2011-02-13T10:36:00.010+03:00

Yesterday was the most horrible day in my life in Volgograd. I was suffering a terrible diarrhoea, I went in and out to and from toilet about, 62 times? Blegh. It was exhausting. I could not remember when was the last time I got diarrhoea. I even felt myself so weak, lost a lot of electrolytes and salts in my body. In the evening, my stomach worsened with aches and strange sounds. I farted a lot! HA HA

I took 2-3 symptomatic medication last night. I even caught myself a high fever. Blegh. Lama gila siot x demam. ahaha

But then, I suddenly woke in the middle of the night. I felt so hungry, Owh yes, for the whole day, I ate only 2 bananas and 3 packs of yogurts. Blegh. Of course la hungry right? So I took my dinner, and at the same time, I was chatting with my ex. She send me a message saying that she got something important to talk about. So I saw her online and we chat.

At first we were so happy sharing and changing stories and bla bla bla. It was a nice moment. Until suddenly she tested me with her...I don't know how to say, but really I felt so unpleasant about it. She asked me about my opinion and how would I feel if some guy like him and he's serious about that. Okay. Obviously how would you feel if you know that some one that you love for sometime ago, is going to have some one else? Of course it's awkward. And actually I broke up with her not because of someone is having somebody else, but due to many messed up things between us.

Of course inside my heart, she's still there. But, we were just friends. We USED to be in love with each other. But, if it happens that you found some one better, why should I stop you? I used to be your lover, and my feeling is important to you. But it should not be a reason why you should ask me what would I feel. Put yourself in my shoes. And you will know how it feels.

Now, we are no more longer friends. She asked to me to get away, far far away from her life.

Sometimes, people doesn't really understand us well. No matter how hard you try to make them understand, it won't work.

And now, here I stand. Seems like I'm a happy guy. But inside me? Only God knows. (;

A Lost

2011-01-02T08:57:00.002+03:00

It's shocking. At the moment when you wake up so fresh and happy early in the morning, you receive a text message.

"She passed away. Yes. She passed away..."

My mind is empty. Tears running down on my face. It's sad. );

Rest in peace, Emma Melinda Thomas. A good friend, and a good listener. You will be missed.

A Special Day

2010-12-22T14:52:00.004+03:00

It's my birthday. And to be honest, I don't expect any presents, treats or whatsoever.

I just want to feel to be appreciated. People who loves me, will remember. (:

Thanx for those who wished me happy birthday. It do means a lot to me, and it means that you appreciate my presence in this world.

I am grateful. So full of joy. I love this day!

Where am I?

2010-11-29T15:08:00.003+03:00

Am I dreaming? If it is, why can't I bear such pain.

Owh no.

It's reality.

Realized and every second I started to think it began to intoxicate my mind.

My soul is screaming, my heart is bleeding.

What am I now? Where am I? Who am I?

Maybe I'm no more that person.

That feeling, grows.

Maybe..?

2010-11-23T07:19:00.004+03:00

Maybe it works?

Maybe it will get worse?

Maybe it affects nothing?

Maybe it's the best way?

Maybe it's not the best way?

Maybe it satisfies you?

Maybe it's not yet enough?

Maybe I'm the 1?

Maybe I'm not the 1?

Maybe I should and you shouldn't? Or

Maybe you should and I shouldn't?

Maybe I should get going to class right now.

):

2010-11-22T19:38:00.002+03:00

Sad? Yes indeed I am.

(&%!@#

2010-11-13T12:23:00.005+03:00

Sorry for the title. (: It has nothing to do with this post at all.

I found out something new that I really interested with. Singing. Yeah some of you may already knew, that I do sing a lot in my house HAHA.OKAY WHATEVER. Whether it sounds good or not, just put it aside first. And now, I find myself improving in singing. HA HA HA! ( tah hape2 d: ) I do believe my voice has a big potential in the music industry. HA HA HA! ( macam bangang! )

I'm planning to buy a Video Cam, which is obviously a cheap one which can record for fun. I want to use it for travelling, and even for my music recordings in the future! :D

I'd already did some cover, in which I did in my own way. (: I want to freaking sing & scream right now! Woohooo!

Whispers

2010-11-12T11:51:00.002+03:00

There are a lot of things, left unsaid. Disappointing, heartbreaking.

It was not easy for me. Never was. And deep down inside me, you are still there. And I acknowledged myself, that I regretted whole my life when I made that decision.

It's hard for me not to think about you. How I wish I can fix everything back again.

Now,

I'm hoping that someday, I'll have another chance to have you back again within my arms.

And if it isn't so, I want you to know that I'll always be praying for you, that you will get someone much better, who deserves much more than I am. Loving and keeping you safe, and making your life full with joy and more meaningful.

You're just the best I ever had.

An apology

2010-10-17T19:29:00.004+04:00

I apologize for the 3 previous posts.

Realized that I posted with emotional and feeling of dissatisfaction, it has affected many people especially the MSA committee, Chai Chan Sing and Chinese race. Those posts has raised certain issues that may cause disunity of our community as Malaysians. And to get along I have removed all the 3 posts as a sign of apology.

I'm not racist, and never had any intention about it ever. For those who knew me well for a long time, they know me, and I had never any action or intention of being racist.

People do mistakes, and so do I. Therefore, I'm very sorry for the inconvenience that I've caused.

Now, as I realized my mistakes, I wish that those who have read my 3 previous posts will forgive me. I'm not perfect. And my intention was just to voice up the feeling of dissatisfaction. I'm sorry for the harsh and rude words.

The only thing that I seek here in Volgograd is just a harmonious and full of justice living community between among all of us, without any barrier of races, religion or whatsoever. I hope all of you understand my prior intention.

Once again, I'm truly sorry and regret for what had happened deeply from my heart.

It seems that something isn't right

2010-10-05T19:52:00.002+04:00

Punch the wall? Burn my house? Break my guitar on your head?

What's the best solution?

I can't believe myself..

2010-09-24T21:29:00.007+04:00

You disappoints me again brother. I cannot believe how could u treated me like that?

You said once, that most people do think more about what people say rather than what their family said. And there it goes, things that you said, they came back after you.

I really am disappointed with you. I just don't want to trust you anymore.

I was just trying to help, and even care about you. But it seems that my presence, it's just not there. You don't see me there.

Being faraway, now I feel I'm even further away from home. I hate you. To be honest, I don't feel like meeting you when I'm back home. Yes. That is what my heart speaks to me again and again.

I'm so sad. FYI, you were the 1 that I cried about the most among all the people in the airport when you sent me here. Now, I regretted of crying about you, how I used to love you.

It's just sad to know, you will never listen to me, whatever things I said, from the day I was born, and until my last breathe.

I will remember all the things you have done, and I will not f'n forget about it.

Will it heal?

2010-09-03T01:46:00.004+04:00

Experiencing life as a medical student, can be very fascinating.

We learn about the diseases. How it occurs. How to treat them. And how to prevent any other complications that may rise from the disease. Even in the future, passing the familial hereditary from generation to generation, we can plan and study and even manage it.

Thanks to the modern technology nowadays, we are able to explore new ways of diagnosing, and curing the diseases, yet so far, none can cure AIDS and cancer but somehow lifespan of the one who suffers can be prolonged with slowing down the development and progress of these 2 diseases.

What about heartbreak?

1 thing that doctors can't cure by giving any medicine is heartbreak. Even they may experience this sickness too. And they don't even know, the proper ways how to cure it.

Heartbreak usually caused by damaged feelings. Everyone has feelings. Even the animals has it too. Feelings that rise due to surrounding. What happens around you. People around you. Things and matters around you. Even the food affects our feelings.

Heartbreak is a serious illness, which may affect all genders at any age. Kids, teens, adults, seniors. It may attack at anytime, which you do not notice most of the time.

What does it takes to cure this illness? How to heal yourself from a heartbreak?

Ask yourself. ;)

Regret

2010-09-02T23:26:00.011+04:00

For what had happened. It's a disaster for me.

I can't help myself. I can't do it. I'm sorry. For being this bad.

Now that I have lost your trust, and I have been a questionable person for you.

Whom should I seek? What should I do to get me blend back inside you? When the sincerity has no more play any role?

And now, people still look me the same. From who was I before. Right now. It's still remains there. The fact that I can't change the history, it's true.

If you read this. I'm sorry for being this bad person.

I wish that I'm not the person I was yesterday. Yet never even existed in this world.

I'm so stupid. :(

What should I feel?

2010-08-29T21:21:00.007+04:00

Yes. I'm back in this hell place. 3 more torturing years and I'm out of here.

The sad thing was, I went back earlier 1 week. The authorities told us to come back at some certain date according to own batch for registration. Mine? 25th August. And thank god, I managed to register myself on that day.

But it seems not right. There were so many students, that they were not even suppose to register on that day. Pity for those who should register on that day, and SCREW YOU for those who were registered earlier and who came back late and registered not on the day they were supposed to register. They followed the rules, and you broke the rules stealing their own time and right. And I'm surprised that the authorities didn't take any actions about this. It's not that I'm being POYO. But for GOD sake, be relevant. Think about it!

The authorities also did a good job. They asked us to do this, but it wasn't properly done. It's so unfair, that we came back early and were fined for renewing our visa. What the hell was that? The authorities are the one should be paying for this. It's not that 20 roubles that made me speak, but what kind of rules that applies the student to come back early for proper registration, were fined?

Now I do believe the one who are responsible for all of this is HIM. I knew, from earlier, he can do all the work, but will he be able to speak out our voices? Will he be able to do all the promises he promised during his manifesto? No. He stood there for justice of money, and his own race. It's unfair. He's fucking veto-nerd fuck. Damn you!

I now do want to speak about having our own rights. I want all of us to realize. And wake up from all of this torture and bullshit here in Volgograd.

***

Not being able to sit tight. Yesterday 1 thing did happen that really shuts me up along with my heart. What should I feel? Perhaps it doesn't worth for what I've been planning to do. Maybe it is just me who crossed the border. I don't know. This is a fucking mess inside my mind. Not sure how should I behave myself and how to act.

Thinking of not doing it, and cancelling the whole plan. It doesn't worth the price. :\

Boredom

2010-08-19T18:07:00.002+04:00

What the hell is boredom?

Definitions :

From Dictionary.com

-noun

the state of being bored; tedium; ennui

From Urbandictionary.com

A severe disease infecting millions of people over the world which is they constantly exhibit certain bla bla bla..

Definitely. Im so bored

Opening ceremony

2010-08-18T19:37:00.003+04:00

Sharing is caring. WTF?

Not all people wants to share whatever they have. Would you share your wife with your best friends? Hell no!

This summer I decided not to go back to my hometown but instead I flew to UK to meet up with my sister and brother in law. I'm surprised. It's Autumn! (Well, it's actually Summer) It's quite cold here.

Fuck this blog. I got nothing else to say. Cheers!

Coffee Isn't My Cup of Tea.

Kuasa

Kill 'em all

Simple

Fallot tetralogy

The white rose

English is crazy

tarawih

sleepy head

both

pisang goreng

Jual cendol

Between passion, satisfaction and disappointment.

What's wrong now?

You know nothing

Tertipu

Azam Bulan Peperiksaan

Song

Hectic | Appendectomy

Ashtray Geek Acoustic Performance

Hazy Weather Solos Experiments with Cry Baby

Hazy weather with Vocal

It's Been A While..

Hati

Ashtray Geek!

Pilihan

Care?

A Lost

A Special Day

Where am I?

Maybe..?

):

(*&*%!@#

Whispers

An apology

It seems that something isn't right

I can't believe myself..

Will it heal?

Regret

What should I feel?

Boredom

Opening ceremony

(&%!@#